This is an anonymous testimony posted with permission from one of my mommy Facebook groups.
Be aware of what’s going on around you while staying untainted by this world.
Every since I could remember I wanted to be a boy.
I felt like it was easier to be a boy because you did not have to worry about how you look though how you dress her how your hair was. I also felt like I look like a boy because I wasn’t as pretty as of the girls.
My mother and father would continuously try to tell me how beautiful I was or how pretty I was and buy me girly things as well as let me play with boys and football and basketball so in a sense my lifestyle was bi-gender but they raise me as a girl. In fact, no one else besides my husband and my sister-in-law know I even felt this way even to this day.
I would literally looked in the mirror and just see a boy. I just felt like I looked better if I was a boy. I feel like other girls were effortlessly beautiful and I had to work so hard at it.
I hated all the etiquette that came with being a girl. Sitting a certain way, acting a certain way, walking, talking, everything! It was too much. I just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. It seemed in my mind the boys can do whatever. I don’t mean like whatever as in get in trouble and get away with it, I just mean like their life was lower maintenance, which was what I was trying to achieve.
Well, I gave my life to Jesus and God made it known for me that I was indeed a female and not meant to be male.
No mistake, just my insecurities getting he best of me.
There are still times where the enemy tries to get me to think that maybe I was a mistake, but I just rebuke it and carry on. I know I’m a female; there are just times where being a female is so hard that I want to be a male. But this is wrong and I know it. I knew even before I knew God. I knew it even when I was an atheist.
For me, it had to do with low self-esteem. I just didn’t think I was girly enough so I figured being a boy would be easier because I felt like I had already looked like one. Looking back at old photos I can tell I definitely looked like a girl and I did not look like a boy, but that is not what I saw when I looked into the mirror at that age and even now every once in a while with my mind plays tricks on me. What doesn’t help is that I am extremely low maintenance because I’m a very practical person. I don’t even have hobbies if they do not contribute to the well-being of my family as I find them impractical. So along with that comes doing my hair or getting dressed. I do as little as possible because I feel it is just a waste of time. And because I’ve always been this way I thought this is how men think therefore maybe I’m supposed to be one.
This is just my personal story, please do not think that this is how it is with everyone or even most of those who are calling themselves something other than what they are not. There may be some that have the same experience as me and I am hoping that by sharing this you might be able to gain a sense as to why they think the way they do, even though it is wrong.
I once heard a man speaking on the whole “you’re born this way” thing…He said something to the extent of: let’s just say you are born believing you’re in the wrong body. Just for the sake of argument. But does that mean that it is any less wrong? We are born with the nature to sin. Some of us at a very young age lie without being taught or have the tendency to steal or fight or curse or whatever it is that becomes their Achilles’ heel throughout their life. That would make you fall over and over again. He equated that to the whole sexual thing he says that even if you feel like it you were born feeling this way, that does not justify you living that way. We are all born wanting to sin, we have to acknowledge it, stop it and repent. I believe he was strongly speaking to the ones who claimed to be Christian, but lived that way, I’m not sure.
It’s the same as with children who feel that they should have everything and don’t want to share. Do we just let them go along with that because that is how they feel and they were born that way? Do we just let them think that it’s OK for them to hoard all of their toys and never share because it belongs to them? Of course not! In the same way those who feel as though they are in the wrong body or what not need to understand that this is Just a lie that needs to be seen as such and they need to ask God for repentance and to be transformed from the inside out.